He Said
Honesty is the best policy, right? For instance, a man might be blunt and say, “I’m just not into you.” End of story, move on, keep it 100.
This might hurt her feelings though. And?
There’s no crying in baseball!
But it is understandable that a tear might be shed during the act of kicking her to the curb, especially if the man is a tad blunt in his delivery. But do you women really want the man to beat around the bush? Do you want to be led on? Do you think he’ll change his mind? I’m certain you don’t want him to lie.
I suspect women, like men, desire to hear the truth – but most of us can’t handle it. It hurts to hear: 1) you’re not tall enough, 2) you’re too broke, 3) you aren’t Idris or Denzel. Those things might be the truth, but they might be damaging to a person’s psyche. Or, a) I don’t date women out of my race, b) you’re too fat, c) you smell.
All of these things might be valid arguments as to why you might want to kick someone to the curb, but they do appear fairly painful. Even I, the Neanderthal with little conscience, knows this.
So how can you be delicate enough yet honest enough? Here are my thoughts:
- Take your emotions out of the equation – If we are driven emotionally, good or bad, we have a tendency to allow our emotions to cloud our judgment.
- Be honest, yet sensitive. I realize it’s not easy for many men to attain this, but I challenge the man to say it as if you were trying to explain to your daughter without pushing her over the edge.
- Don’t give her the silent treatment and hope she just goes away. That is rude. Take a few simple minutes and explain yourself gingerly. (See item 2 above).
- Try not to say, “let’s be friends” if you don’t mean it. We all know that’s some BS.
- Be polite and gentle. Rejection is a very hard thing to handle (even if someone says it doesn’t affect them). Thus, if you like only women with blonde hair and big breasts you can change it up to say “I have a specific style and I’m sorry that you don’t fit it.”
My final thought – you can always be a jerk about this and just play your cards that way, but do know, karma’s a bitch and it might come back to haunt you. Quite simply, let her off as easy as possible and lessen the risks of repercussions. Trust me guys, you don’t want to find your kid’s pet rabbit boiling in a pot.
She Said
How to let them down easy? That’s a tough one. In my younger days, I did the avoidance thing. I just limited my contact and hoped they’d go away. As a result, I am told I used to have the tendency of having it appear as if I had men sitting on a shelf until I decided to pay attention to them. While that’s the way it may have seemed, all I really wanted to do was get out of a sticky situation and remain friends. Why is that so hard???
Why? Because it is just not possible to be friends with someone who has a romantic interest in you without having to continually keep the barrier up, while possibly putting a future relationship at risk. Men (and women) lie to themselves. They think if you’re still talking to them that it means, as Mr. Neanderthal aptly put it, you’re somehow going to change your mind. When has that ever happened? Only in the movies or in romance novels. Why put yourself through that? Why hang on, putting up with crumbs, convincing yourself that the payoff (i.e., a relationship) is right around the corner? It isn’t. But men and women do that every day. So in order to avoid this push and pull and the ever persistent, hopeful suitor who is really only pretending to be your friend, hoping for something more, kick’em to the curb early and clearly.
In my personal experience and from talking with other women, the best thing to do is to be clear, not necessarily completely honest (why be mean), firm, and sever all ties. Do not allow a foot, or even a toe, in the door. Forget all that talk about “Let’s be friends.” I’ll say it again. You can’t be friends with someone who has a romantic interest in you. Those men that are regularly rejected seem to have this innate ability to be incredibly persistent, so persistent that you wonder if they are looking at the same situation that you’re looking at.
When a man is looking to reject a woman, he usually takes the easy way out. Since men are usually the aggressors, they just withdraw and hope the woman goes away. Sometimes she does but sometimes she doesn’t. Why go through that when you can be clear and just get it over with? Contrary to popular opinion men don’t do it because they’re “nice.” They do it because they’re big chickens. Men don’t like dealing with their (or others’) messy emotions. They don’t want to look too deeply into why there was no connection or what they’re really looking for in a relationship, if they’re even looking for a relationship at all. So they just withdraw.
In sum, whether you’re male or female, suck it up and do the right thing for yourself and the other person. Kick’em to the curb but just be clear, definitive and decisive (and nice) about it.
He Said She Said 