Who Faces More Rejection in Dating: Men or Women?

She Said

There are two types of men in this world – the fishermen and the bench clearers.  The fishermen view dating and relationships as a recreational “sport” and work at honing their skills through the concept of “catch and release.”  The bench clearers are the true keepers.  They’re the guys that will clear the bench for you and won’t look back (or around).

Now that we’ve gotten that straight, let’s address the issue of who gets rejected more in dating.  Women, of course!  The problem is that most women are so used to dating the fishermen that they don’t even realize that they’re being rejected.  Ladies, if you’re “caught” and then “released” when he moves on to another causal relationship  or he merely keeps you dangling on the line along with the rest of his “stable,” then you’re being rejected and don’t even realize it.  Why do we give them that power?

In our society, men are typically the aggressors, and women typically have to wait to be asked out.  Every time the woman isn’t chosen she’s essentially being rejected.  Women are taught at an early age to manipulate the situation to get the “right guy” to ask them out.  The problem with this approach, however, is that men, like all of us, enjoy being pursued, and the more appealing the man, the more women there are vying for the man’s attention.  He knows it, and he uses it.  The men with the most women vying for their attention tend to be the biggest “fishermen.”  They usually aren’t worth your time.  How many times have you experienced women fighting over some man?  Ladies, if you have to fight over him, he doesn’t “belong” to either of you.

Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t fall for the fisherman.  Wait for the bench clearer.  You won’t have to compete for his attention, and he won’t reject you because when he “catches” he won’t ever want to “release” you.  Stay tuned for how to tell the difference.

He Said

Picture your first junior high dance as a young man: You show up in your hand-me-down pleather suit with a fresh haircut from your pops, and smelling like Old Spice.  You arrived with about as much confidence as a single plankton caught in the middle of the ocean.  Although your mother took a look at you before you left the house only she could truly love you more than any other girl you were about to encounter. You have very little coaching for what you are about to experience in this new world of grown up ish. The only thing that comes to mind is – will I get a dance. And so comes the lesson of female to male rejection ratio and debate. And frankly, there is no debate – it’s hard out here for a brother.

How many 1000s of times has a man, starting at a young age, encountered rejection? Nobody knows the true number but at some point a MAN becomes immune to rejection. Most men know he’s going to encounter rejection at some stage in life – and it will be in abundance. The only two types of men not used to rejection are pretty boys and nerds (no offense meant). Therefore, the rest of the men have been experiencing rejection for some time.

We men have mastered the skill of throwing out our lines and are used to the fish getting away. It isn’t so much about us “throwing the fish back” as SHE SAID would suggest, it is that the fish get away. It’s similar to that routine text message you might throw out to about 50 female friends and you wait to see who responds. It’s like throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing which strands stick. There isn’t much difference; we just hope some of the spaghetti sticks at all.

Therefore, through our trials and tribulations and desire to get dates, we men put ourselves through such nonsense as rejection because it’s in our DNA. We may not enjoy this rejection experience but get used to it. Because at the end of the day I’d rather have a single strand of spaghetti versus none.


  1. Rejection, for me, is so routine that I expect it, and to soften the blow – I look forward to it. She is saving me thousands of dollars AND a broken heart later. The least I can do is treat her politely and wish her the best as she trots off to find her Prince Charming.

    But the quote that sticks here is: “There are two types of men in this world – the fishermen and the bench clearers.”

    Great post.


    • I hear you Outstandingbachelor. Eventually, as a man you really do become numb to the process because many women seem so unwilling to settle. In their minds “settling” is a bad word. Nice comment.


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