Dating After 40 – Rebuttal

She Said

In response to He Said with regard to Dating After 40, I say it’s really a matter of two things:  (1) what stage you’re in in your life; and (2) what you think constitutes “dating.”  If you’re just coming out of a messy divorce or relationship and need time to heal, then it makes sense that you just want to have “fun” and don’t want messy entanglements.  That’s all well and good so long as you are “dating” men or women who are at the same point in their lives.  In my experience, women in particular tend to go along with “dating” men who, for whatever reason, are not ready to commit although the woman really wants more from the relationship.  When a woman does that, she essentially sells herself short and closes off the possibility of finding someone that can be a lifelong mate because she’s wasting her time with men who are into “casual dating.”

No doubt, it’s tough being alone, but this should be a time of reflection and growth and shouldn’t be missed.  If you simply jump from one relationship to another, when will you have the time to understand yourself and the ways in which you have caused or contributed to the failure of past relationships?

Second, what is “dating”?  Is it having dinner, going to a movie, hanging out?  Does it include sex?  If it includes sex, does it include multiple partners (well, not at the same time. Lol)?  If you and your “date” don’t share the same views and values, someone is in for a rude awakening.  Too many times women go with the flow and get hurt.  If you want a permanent relationship, then why date a man (or woman) who is essentially going to use you?  Is having a companion so important that you sacrifice your sense of self?

My advice:  (1) know what you want and don’t want; (2) don’t waste your time on men or women who don’t want the same things; and (3) love yourself and don’t put up with anyone who doesn’t see your value.  While the pickings get slimmer and slimmer as the years pass, that’s no reason for lowering your standards.  Be true to yourself and you’ll never go wrong.

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