Why Are You Carrying the Heavy Stuff?

He Said

Why on Earth can’t you let me be a man? Why must you interfere with my God-given talents and duties and allow me to perform the way God intended men to perform? Look at you and all of your independence with no need for a man in your life. Don’t reduce me down to an insignificant part of your life – I am a very intricate part of it.

Men, have you been in this dilemma? Have you tried to understand a woman’s liberation stance as you’ve tried to come to her rescue and be her “knight-in-shining-armor?” And she has nothing for you to help with, no need for you to do anything, and acts as if you have no use for her in her life? I’m sure it becomes aggravating.

Why rant about this, you might ask? Let’s start because it is relevant in this Age of the Independent Woman. I have difficulties coming up with fresh ideas on how useful I can be for my woman. The things I thought were useful like opening doors, or grabbing the heavy luggage, or just doing those things that seem to have been naturally designed for us men by the Creator. When the woman goes against the grain and is determined to do things herself is when things go wrong. This problem is escalated when the woman changes and wants a man to do all of the heavy lifting. Unfortunately, I might already be in the mindset “can’t you get it yourself?” when she has come to this realization.

Then what? I will be reduced to an evil man, a no-good S.O.B. because I refuse to lift a finger for her assistance.

In reality I have become annoyed and then turned off. If you feel you need to be Ms. Independent on your own terms then I really do question my value in your life. When I think back to the earlier days of life, and by no means am I stating things were as great as they are now, but what was refreshing was to have clearly defined roles in life. When the world is our stage we should all be actors playing the God-given roles designed for us, right?

Man: take out the trash, fix the light bulb, walk the dog, go pick up pampers, pick up those big boxes and place them there (or anywhere, just not here).

Woman: . . . I will leave this for your own interpretation but you get the point.

And does this make me or other men Neanderthals? I don’t think so. I believe men want to feel valued in a relationship just as women – and if the woman is just too independent then what? We have painted ourselves into a proverbial corner now how do we get out of it? Is it too much to ask you to let me be the man God intended me to be?

She Said

Scene: It’s 2 a.m. You’ve driven 6 hours to an out of the way cabin in the woods. The man and woman start unloading the car. The woman grabs whatever she can to help empty the car so she can get some rest. She picks up the first thing she sees in the back seat which happens to be a large bag.

Man: Why are you carrying the heavy stuff?

The woman looks at him in puzzlement. The woman thinks, “Really? That’s what’s important to you right now?”

Every woman wants to feel valued and cherished just like God intended. I do not believe, however, the bible says anything about men carrying the “heavy stuff.” The bible says that the man is the head of the household and that he is to essentially provide for his family. While we like men to open doors and pick up the heavy things, if I can do it, I’ll do it. A relationship is a partnership. We work TOGETHER. It doesn’t mean I’m trying to be a “man” or take something away from the man. It just means that I’m capable and competent, and I’ll tell you when I need your help.

Every woman is different, and every man needs to know and understand his woman. There are some women who wouldn’t have lifted a finger. They would have simply gone into the cabin and left the man to remove EVERYTHING from the car. That’s just not me. From my perspective, a man, just like a woman, has to derive their sense of self and purpose from within and not based on whether they are allowed to cook the meal or lift the heavy stuff.

Yes, it’s true. Life was simpler back in the 50s when men and women had more clearly defined roles. It would be nice to go back to those times (except I’d want equal pay if I decided to work outside the home), but then that would mean going back to an economy when a family could live off of one income. Since it is no longer possible to live off of one income, and since women typically have to work, whether they want to or not, to make ends meet, we all have to adjust. That means, women, you must help with the “heavy stuff” and men, you must help take care of the kids and help around the house. Every relationship is different. Find what works in your relationship and go from there (so long as you get equal pay for equal work).

And as for the man and woman at the cabin, next time the woman should just go in and leave it to Mr. Neanderthal to empty the ENTIRE car.

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